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So time has passed, I went crazy, started seeing a psychologist, got the flu, and now feel like my life is way more on track than it has been for years. I've been looking for other jobs, trying to find a way to work hand in hand with nature. Right now organic farms and Appalachian rail upkeep seem like good leads. I've been applying to jobs like it was my job! Lol. 

I have found that I really just want to live in nature. Soon I will be 28, and I'm hoping to be living out in the depths of the earth's forests by July 4th. That's when Thoreau did it. So why shouldn't I be able to? At first I though I could just live in a camper. However, where would I live and what would I be doing? Then, I was looking at land, but I do not have enough money at all for it. So I started searching for jobs. This is when I love the internet the most. It helps me find what I never thought was even existed. 

Also I've been working hard on a comic for my sister. Her birthday's coming up and I need to get it done. It's been long over due. The only thing preventing me from working on it at work was that I was applying for jobs while I was at work. I'm actually there right now. Thank god it's been so super slow. I like having my departments not getting messed up so I can work on self improvement instead of stupid meaningless tasks. Fuck Work! Lol, nah I'm just kidding. I do appreciate my job. I don't necessarily like it, but I do appreciate it and try to always do a good job. Minus this week. But one week isn't that bad. 

I've also been able to talk to people about life, religion, and dreams. One of my friends, a very dear and kind friend, and I were talking via email. We always talk about religion because it is thought provoking, and he's a minister. At one point, he said something about a passage in the Bible stating that Jesus was God in his entirety. My reply is about my issues with the 'infallibility' of the scriptures, the manifestation of God in people, and the weird gesture the Bible says God made through Jesus. Hope it's a good read.

Here was my reply:


"I mean if I saw the Bible as being infallible, then this passage would have proved it a long time ago. Lol! It would've been so easy to prove that Jesus is God if I believed 100% in the NT. Ya know? :) The tricky thing is proving Jesus is God without relying on the Bible so much.

But I mean, if it is God's word, it's been passed around by people and recorded by people. Still there is definitely value to it, but I don't know. I mean I look at how I see and hear God, and I know that if I were to record on paper my experience, it would be limited by our language and my own ability to capture with words something so wonderful and indescribable.

It could still inspire people to go out and search for God and try to connect with God, but it would not be the truth. It would be my experience of the truth and then someone else's search for their interpretation of my recollection of my experience with God. See how there's tons of grey area there? That's how I feel about the Bible. I still feel like it provides hope, a message of love, and inspiration to search for God and meaning.

I know the message of the NT is Jesus is God, he has showed us the way, and through his death we are saved. There is no denying that that is a main theme and message. I still struggle with that message and especially the cross, but I feel that I now have a different perspective. You're right though that something did seem to "click" last time we chatted. It's interesting to view Jesus as being the full manifestation of God vs. just being a man claiming to be God. I'm still viewing the same doctrine, I can now just look at it differently. However, I'm still figuring it out.

My whole life, I've looked at Jesus one way, never having the NT make sense. Now I can look at it differently, but it's going to take a lot of time to see it different than how I have in the past. I think time, reflection, and searching will help.  

One thing I still wonder about though is if Jesus is God fully manifested, but if God manifests a small part of himself in all of us, why does Jesus's death matter SO much? Doesn't a part of God experience death when any of us children die.

I mean I've always understood God as a creator and as being with his creation. And, I mean, his creation dies ALL the time. In the Bible he even kills his own creation, and it seems like it hurts God to do so. So why is Jesus's death such a big deal? Couldn't we be 'saved' even without that gesture? Isn't it really just a gesture; God just saying "Hey I've been there with you, lived and died for you, and now I'm here for you?" Was it a gesture? A display to wake up some people? And help them see how to live.
I don't know."

So it's been a good break from LJ. I'm very happy with where I'm going. I just hope all my searching for jobs and meaning pans out. :) Well this was a long post, so I'm going to leave it at this. Thanks <3

~Peace

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