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So everyone has problems, and I have one that I've been wanting to share because I really want help with it. However, I know that if I tell people, it will forever taint their opinions of me. Because my problem comes with a name. Thief. I don't want to be known as a "Thief" because that is not what defines me. Not at all. But I have a problem. I want help, but I don't want the title that I could get if I asked for help.

My problem is that I don't have money and what I do have goes to just surviving. I'm tired of just surviving. I've found ways to take things what won't be missed. Or I'll switch tags on things to get better deals on gifts. Gifts are my problems. I always want to give nice gifts and treat other people to nice times. But when you don't have much, it's hard to do that kind of stuff.

I did end up telling a friend of mine, because he's going through AA and can relate to my dilemma. Of course he says I should tell. But what about my job, my good name, my future? I want to not have it known because it could definitely affect my entire future. I'm just tired of feeling like I suck. Like I suck because I want to do nice things, give nice things, and have some nice things (like socks without holes or a book) but can only accomplish that right now by being sneaky and doing something I know is wrong.

I'm just trying to stop, but every once in a while I get that itch and it gets into my blood. It's been months now, and I want so bad to stop. I hope Lent helps me. I just gotta stop, and I wish I had the support to make this easier.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
akirashima
Feb. 20th, 2013 02:40 pm (UTC)
could you find a free therapist in your area. they are confidential and may be able to get you the help you need. and remember if you are going to worry about a title defining you then choose to use all that apply. like caring and every other thing about you. being a thief is not the end of the world. and certainly can be understood when you are poor as fuck. I am poor as fuck and there have been times i had to take things not nailed down to survive. but i have a seriously developed bit of guilt that keeps me from taking most everything even if it is thrown out and only have taken things when they were damn needed. but this does get out of control for a lot of people. people can become addicted to the rush of stealing. it is a real problem when it goes to far and therefore i really do recommend looking for a free therapist in your area since they can help
dear_ebony_rose
Nov. 21st, 2013 02:36 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Awhile back I was going to a therapist, and I wanted to tell her about it, but my main reason for going was to find direction in my life when I really felt like I didn't belong in this modern day society. I was worried that if I were to tell her, it would cause the meetings to shift in their focus. The funny thing was that my desire for direction took me to hike part of the Appalachian Trail. That trip has actually helped me stop stealing. I realized that what I was taking wasn't necessary and only lead to negative things. I took when I thought I needed something, but after having nothing besides what I was carrying on my back, I realized that I don't ever need to take anything. Since June 1st of this year, I haven't stole anything. The closest thing I've done to stealing was switching a tag on a shirt at a thrift store. However, I am trying not to do that either. I realized I was just being greedy, even though it was minutely so.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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