So everyone has problems, and I have one that I've been wanting to share because I really want help with it. However, I know that if I tell people, it will forever taint their opinions of me. Because my problem comes with a name. Thief. I don't want to be known as a "Thief" because that is not what defines me. Not at all. But I have a problem. I want help, but I don't want the title that I could get if I asked for help.
My problem is that I don't have money and what I do have goes to just surviving. I'm tired of just surviving. I've found ways to take things what won't be missed. Or I'll switch tags on things to get better deals on gifts. Gifts are my problems. I always want to give nice gifts and treat other people to nice times. But when you don't have much, it's hard to do that kind of stuff.
I did end up telling a friend of mine, because he's going through AA and can relate to my dilemma. Of course he says I should tell. But what about my job, my good name, my future? I want to not have it known because it could definitely affect my entire future. I'm just tired of feeling like I suck. Like I suck because I want to do nice things, give nice things, and have some nice things (like socks without holes or a book) but can only accomplish that right now by being sneaky and doing something I know is wrong.
I'm just trying to stop, but every once in a while I get that itch and it gets into my blood. It's been months now, and I want so bad to stop. I hope Lent helps me. I just gotta stop, and I wish I had the support to make this easier.
- Current Mood: disappointed
- Current Music:Enigma